Tag Archives: Real Housewives

REALITY OF “REAL HOUSEWIVES”

Posted on 2011/12/10 | Leave a comment

STEVEN SPILLS © 106

REALITY OF REAL HOUSEWIVES

They are known as Real Housewives. On ringmaster Andy Cohen’s Bravo TV, these extremist women are the ones to watch for guilty pleasure viewing. They’ve become celebrities in their own right like anyone who desperately opens their lives up to cameras. Some are expressionless, most are botoxed while the entire elitist crew of them believe they are the one the light should shine on most. And we love them all! Well, almost…

The Real Housewives of D.C. didn’t last past one season. They were boring and weren’t engaging enough to follow from each episodes. All I can remember about the cast is that there was the most engaging one with the accent and the law-breaking White House crashing fraud blonde that cheesed her way into President Obama’s party. Hello, Security?!

Then you had the Real Housewives of Miami. Popualation: The Bored and Yawning. There were fiery Latinas and the gal who had been pumped to Jesus with silicone by someone who didn’t know when to say, “Whoa!” I mean seriously. No tea, but gal… I really didn’t watch the series and couldn’t care less if and when it comes back. Both of these franchises just didn’t work because we all know the only real thing in reality television is that it’s staged and manipulated to peak and keep viewer’s interest. These did not.

Next we stop in the reality world of Nene Leakes and her fool ass (and I mean that in a genuinely sweet way.) I’ve lived in Atlanta and watching RHOA (Real Housewives of Atlanta) reminds me of numerous drag queens that fabulously raised me to be a wicked-tounged king who can deliver a verbal pounding through a set of pearly whites. Nene has had words with everyone on the show especially Miss “Tardy For the Party” Kim Zolciak with her fierce wigs and “fuck you” attitude.

Kandi Burruss has the biggest heart of any of them and the only one that has any real talent among the many singing Housewives. Wanna-be Sheree is definitely upstaged by southern belle Phaedra with stunning Apollo and gorgeous model Cynthia Bailey with silver fox Peter along for the ride. Of all the casts these women are some of the best for reality drama. Set the DVR and watch the antics while thanking God it’s not your life on display.

The only reasons to watch Real Housewives of New Jersey are to see Teresa flip out on the others and to lust after the men in their worlds. Beefy Guido types with juiced-up bodies and a swagger of delicious machismo. If you’ve ever checked out the YouTube videos of the parodies of the Housewives then you’ve surely laughed your ass off at the impeccable timing and similarities to the real women. All I can really say about these gals is that they are mostly brunette and “their family is as thick as thieves.”

In Orange County, there’s Gretchen and Slade whom I met briefly at Blue Pear. Tamara has always given me 80′s pop star Samantha Fox with her brazen ways, big blonde hair and even bigger boobs. These are the original Real Housewives and they have been going strong for seasons now and we watch continually. They are reasonably tame compared to the others.

The Real Housewives of New York cougars have continually tried to keep current with their sister casts by being just as outrageous and grand as the next. In charge, there’s Countess LuAnn and her motto “Money Can’t Buy You Class” while making Alex cringe with metrosexual husband Simon in constant tow. No matter… Alex, Cindy, Jill and Kelly are all gone next season. Yes, fired. Man-loving Sonya stays and Pinot Grigio drinking Ramona, too! The most successful reality star that came from one of these casts was from RHONY and her name is Bethenny Frankel.

And drumroll please. Our favorite of the lot are the most-confrontational and well-off-financially gals from RHOBH. On Real Housewives of Beverly Hills we love watching Queen Bee Lisa Vanderpump and Palms Casino owner Adrienne Maloof battling it out for grand dame of Beverly Hills with stunning Camille Grammer giving them a fierce run for it. Taylor Armstrong unfortunately had the demise of her marriage played out on television which sadly ended with her husband’s suicide. Newcomers Brandi has really stirred comfort levels while Dana is just happy to be included. Then the dynamic of former child stars Kim and Kyle Richards really roller coasters. Their gowns and bling are to die and husbands too fine.

2011 © PULP

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NYC HOUSEWIVES SMACKDOWN

Posted on 2011/07/26 | 4 Comments

OK Bravo TV, you’ve got us! Alrighty Andy Cohen, you better work. Last evening I sat amazed at the spectacle of the first half of the Real Housewives of NYC Reunion. You see friends, this nasty cougarfight was ninety minutes and even has part-two coming next week. Bravo is sure to squeeze in that advertising, err, I mean clearing-up of things and are willing to go the extra mile to their banks, I mean for faithful viewers. Am I being catty? Not anymore than the seven Housewives that sat across from each other last evening and slayed one another deeper than the one before. And no, the previews of Most Elligable Dallas do not make me want to watch that Texas mess. Quickly on that, I didn’t see one thing in the preview of MED that I believed. But back to the women…

From our view, it was the Brunettes vs. the Blondes with Master Cohen as head ringleader. It looked like a commercial for smooth legs on our left as Cindy, Kelly, Jill and the Countess sat legs crossed, smooth and tanned to perfection. The blondes of Alex, Sonya and Ramona seemed comfortably spread across their couches all in their own space. Andy sitting grinning his money-making show-producing Bravo-running cheese and we were off and bitching.

I took notes in my head but at one point, well, at many points the ladies (if I can use that term after seeing the immature way they acted) talked so over one another you had to decide which dialogue you were going to follow. Issues were dealt with and problems un-resolved. Many agreed to disagree. Everyone spoke passionately and intently. A few got caught in lies. Some regretted what was once said and caught on camera. The topic of former Housewives alum Bethenny made many cameos at one point through their conversation as if they wanted to discuss what she had become. Let’s see if I can get most of what I saw last evening…

Sonya cried and was comforted my Alex but not after Kelly told her she, Alex not Sonya, was on the Crazy Train. A bitchy Cindy just happy to be finally speaking basically told the Countess LuAnn to sit back and shut up as she read Sonya for reading her for taking a selfish conference call during the middle of her toaster oven brunch. Jill sat quietly for a bit with her liquid face lift that Ramona had to point out in between digs between this one and that one. Whew! It was really hard to keep up with this immature show of the NYC elite. I really enjoy the show but last evening’s reunion made me wonder how they can act like they do and then think it’s alright. Ramona and Jill made loser faces and noises at one another like little girls. When Jill did speak up she re-calls Alex a “Effen Bitch.” (PG-13 here!) and Kelly tried to play “Peacekeeper” while Andy, LuAnn and Jill all shot her down back into the sofa.

The entire thing was a hot mess and I was speechless, at times. If time allowed I’d get more into it but if you follow the show then you know what went down in SoHo that evening. However, ending on an highnote, the RHNYC is one of the better in the franchise. That doesn’t mean for Bravo to run out and cast Real Housewives of Boulder. RHDC, who?

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THE BLONDE SQUAD HOUSEWIVES

Posted on 2011/04/20 | 4 Comments

The Real Housewives of Orange County could also be named “The OC Blonde Brigade” since our five fierce felines all have blonde hue and lots of it layered, full and luxurious. This season standout is Tamra Barney who has split from her controlling, however, sexy (now-ex) husband Simon and is dating a Latin hottie (hate that word) named Eddie. Tamra seems to be having the time of her life smiling and being fabulous, especially in that bathtub. Calientè! She gives me UK songbird Samantha Fox, at times, which is good. Naughty girls need love, too! I have always liked her, but this season is hers.

Gretchen, who I saw perched with Slade in the VIP space at the Palm Springs White Party recently, can’t decide if marriage is right for her. If the show editors have their way, it doesn’t seem like the wedding aisle has been paved in their way anytime soon even though she turned it out for her parents to renew their vows. Career-focused Gretchie has been giving Slade hell for gaining a few pounds and he, as I would be, is over it. Gretchen stays clear of Tamra since the silly mace incident at Alexis’ a.k.a Jesus Barbie’s Botox and Spa party that sent her off into a praying frenzy.  Tamra does the same not causing waves because she’s happy with Eddie and can’t be bothered terribly about it all.

Vicki took just a minute or a few seconds more off from work and attended with Tamra who wanted to give Gretchen a little payback for an evil eye comment episodes past. The entire party went swimmingly other than a seemingly jealous lesbian fitness trainer Fernanda getting in Tamra’s face about missing her “Welcome to America” party. No one wanted (or they had just had it done) botox so Alexis stepped up as gracious hostess and got a few injections since it was there. She is gorgeous but that whole opening montage about “God, family and my body is sinful” is silly and redundant to me.

At the end of the Spa party, Tamra pulled out mace with Vicki and made a joke about not having to use it referring to Gretchen. Jesus Barbie (love that!) didn’t find it amusing afterwards even though she nervously laughed at it during the time. I’m sure she prayed for all involved including new-boobs Peggy in hopes she’d go bigger in size with her own doctor. Judgement comes in many forms, even among good friends. This is just a taste of what’s going down this season in Bravo TVs Orange County.

Amen.

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ATLANTA HOUSEWIVES REUNITE 2

Posted on 2011/02/20 | Leave a comment

And in Part Two of the Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion, the condescending eye-rolling continued and tears were a’flowing by more than one of our housewives. Ringmaster Andy Cohen continued his modest moderation of the strong-willed ladies as the pauses after dramatic moments of confrontation increased in time and awkwardness. Andy, cameramen and die-hard viewers sat on the edge of leather couches waiting for reaction or resolution from and between the women. Here’s the continuing scoop…

Video clip montages including solo arcs of Phaedra and Sheree, parenting, Chi Chi LaRue introducing Kim at the White Party Tea Dance, Housewives dishing other Housewives and of course, NeNe and Kim being chummy and sisters forever at the beginning of the season and by the finale only screaming at one another. Kandi honestly confessed that she hadn’t received much royalty from Kim for that musical miracle “Tardy For the Party” and the tears poured down. Kim played stupid and again I saw her as such a joke. NeNe refused to apologize for getting in Kim’s face on the tour bus and doubtful they’ll speak anytime soon. Who knows?! What I do know is that it makes for great television and is ratings gold for Bravo TV. Oh, and the girls were questioned about their “Freak Number.” Again, producers weep with joy.

By the end of the reunion Andy went around and asked the gals what they were up to in the future. Sheree tried to convince us, and perhaps herself, that her clothing line (and I use that generously) SHE by Sheree would be relaunched. When asked when, she replied casually, “Soon.” Yawn. NeNe is on The Celebrity Apprentice this season on NBC and got two plugs in for the show. NeNe looked good. Got to give it to the girl. Kim will be giving birth soon and I’m shocked they haven’t worked out a spinoff show for her. Kandi admitted to having a sextoy line coming out. Cynthia wants to open a modeling agency. However, it’s the only thing that escaped me from the episode until I asked my husband what she had said. She looked beautiful, though. Phaedra had the shocker of the evening when she announced that she had purchased a funeral home. She sealed the deal by delivering the line of the evening when looked at Andy Cohen and offered, “Let me bury you.” Priceless. Another season of southern entertainment consumed and we have enjoyed because of it. Thank You Ladies.

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ATLANTA HOUSEWIVES REUNITE

Posted on 2011/02/14 | 1 Comment

Since we know how Bravo TV and their head “Maven of Mayhem” Andy Cohen likes to milk these Real Housewives reunion shows and the franchise in general, this will obviously be the first of a two-part recap of the Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion. In a word it was awkward. Last evening while fighting against the boring Grammy Awards for precious audience and airtime the Housewives gathered at the Aquarium in Atlanta in what I could only call an uncomfortable set of chairs. Where was the glamour?! In their shoes, for sure. Christian Louboutin for most of the divas anchoring the therapist of the hour-plus event, Mr. Cohen himself. Where were the cocktails?! I bet that would have sent things a blaze in Atlanta once again.

Kim was wigged out of her mind, as usual, with pink gloss painted across her lips, to match what Andy did nail on the head, the fact that she does cake makeup on. Sorry Kim, you do, girl. But, in Kim’s defense, why the hell not?! She is on television and is in her own right famous so why not paint a mug and pout? Kim was sitting opposite rival NeNe Leakes who was looking killed down by the entire situation. They competed for eye-roller of the night, obviously disgusted  with what one another said throughout the show. I loved every minute of it. Poker-Faced NeNe was dressed to impress with an off-the-shoulder grey stretch top and again, lovely shoes. Sheree sat on the outskirts as did Phaedra, who actually didn’t get on my nerves as she has in the past. Newlywed Cynthia looked stunning and was, as always, polite. I loved Kandi’s kicky hair-definitely-do and can’t wait to see her snap on Kim about how much she believes she is worth next round.

Many of the women called out one another for this or that. Phaedra nailed NeNe and she in turn would take a breath and bust Kim for something. Then another clip or two of someone else saying shit behind someone’s back. And pans to the girls watching themselves. All of them had to sit and watch cringe-worthy montages of their ugliest moments this past season. How awkward?! The show is obviously staged reality as all of them are. They all signed up for it for us to enjoy and them to become famous. Both parties have won because I consider it and the Beverly Hills Housewives the best in the growing and established franchise.

Other snaps were engaged. More cattiness and bitching ensued. And we the viewers were glued with bated breath. Thank heavens for DVR. I can’t wait for part-two next Sunday since as we faded out of last evening’s event, NeNe and Kim were snapping the house down. WERQ!

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